As I’m sitting here behind my desk, looking at the last blogpost I wrote, it dawned on me… I haven’t written anything since January 2020! Oh my, how fast do the years go by? And it’s not that I don’t like writing anymore, absolutely not, it’s still my passion. But you know when you stop doing something for a while, it’s kind of a gateway to stop doing something for a long time. Once you’re out of the flow, it’s really, really hard to push yourself back in. Even when it’s a hobby or an activity you absolutely love doing. So why did I start writing again on this day? Well I kind of have a deadline, a BIG one.

Goodbye dirty thirties

It seems like only yesterday I was 22 years old. Fresh, young, vibrant and happy go lucky. I still am all those things I believe, well maybe except for the young part. I’ll let you in on a little secret… today is the last day of my thirties! Oh wow, even typing it feels strange. Because I don’t feel 39, I don’t think I look 39 and I certainly don’t act like a 39 year old. I keep saying 39, since I can’t even say or write the big number that is coming up tomorrow. I don’t understand how fast time goes, my brain and body literally can’t keep up with all those years just flying by like months. It feels like it’s Christmas, January, summer and then Christmas again in the blink of an eye. I can’t be the only one who feels like this right?

I’m not your mother

Being a part-time actress, as my age goes up, the number of roles I get are going down. And quite rapidly I must say. In my somewhat younger years, I could play the ‘fun, sexy girl’ in a beer commercial, the ‘dancing and singing girl’ in a short film, ‘the cool and interesting date of a business man’. I did beauty pageants, hair modelling, educational films, shows and lots of commercials. I loved the variety of all the different gigs. All I get offered now are ‘mom roles’ and I’m definitely not ready for that! Not in real life or in my acting life. Oh and I don’t even book the jobs, because I don’t look like a mom. The irony. I even pitched this idea to my casting agencies, to let clients search for ‘acting age’ not only real age, since I look younger. ‘But that wouldn’t be really fair now’, they responded. I thought it was a pretty good idea, but hey who am I, but a 39 year old young girl.

Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

So if I don’t look old, feel old or act old, what’s my problem you might think? Well I notice as we get older, especially as women reaching a certain age, we kind of get put in these little boxes. Age boxes. And I don’t quite enjoy being marked and put away in a box I don’t want to be in. I want to decide in which box I belong and you know what, I don’t even want to be in one particular box anyway, I want to just fly in between boxes, minding my own business. Nobody puts this butterfly in a corner!

The next chapter

So this is something I just wanted to get off my chest at the last day of my youth. I know I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’m just having a hard time coping with this new age and era in my life. Well the good thing is I started writing again, right? Let’s see how it goes from here. Maybe there are even some cool mom roles out there? Like ‘fun, sexy mom’ in a beer commercial, ‘dancing and singing mom’ in a short film or ‘cool, interesting mom on a date with a business man’. I see some options here. Let’s end this on a positive note right?

Wish me luck on my big day tomorrow…. and stay happy!

Love,
Lina

Photo by Linaagainstheuniverse