Unfortunate girls are always covered in bruises
in weird places, mysterious scars and strange
scratches that weren’t there a minute ago.
How is it possible that I always seem to
physically hurt myself in various ways, without even noticing it?
I almost start to believe that a flock of
evil kids are using me as a trampoline in my sleep.
I mean I already know that I fall down at least once a day, bump
my head while walking into low ceilings and get stuck
between several objects. That’s no surprise to me anymore.
But it’s these unidentified marks on my body that makes me
wonder if I maybe sleepwalk and do entire obstacle courses while I’m snoozing. It’s just weird!
That’s why us down on luck girls must always be packed
with a First Aid Kit, preparing us for these strange little accidents.
Lucky for all of us I’ve wrote down a list
of must-haves, a necessity for the disastrous girl.
- Band aids (can’t live without them)
- A helmet (to protect your pretty, little head)
- A helmet for your phone (because it WILL
fall down and break, it’s only a matter of time)
- Kneepads (when you fall of your bike,
at least your knees will still be beautiful)
- Nail clippers (so you can’t scratch yourself in your sleep)
- Alcohol (did you ever see a sad girl holding a Martini?
Also comes in handy while disinfecting your wounds)
- Mc Donalds on speed-dial (when your in pain,
you don’t want a band aid, you want a burger)
- Night-vision goggles (for when you need to
find your way home, when you wake up while
sleepwalking in the park, or when you’re just too drunk to find your house)
- A tracking device (I can’t stress this enough, people
need to know where you are at all times, because
you don’t have a sense of direction. Or you’re too drunk to find your house.
I hope these pointers will help you a little in your
unfortunate ways, or at least put a little smile on your face.
For now, stay safe!